First First - Turning 49

Okay, my first first took place on Thursday.  My first full day as someone who is 49 years old.  Holy crap!  That's about all I can say.  I now understand why Jack Benny decided to be 39 over and over again.   I don't know how I thought I would feel at the end of my 40's but I didn't think it would be pretty much the same as I felt at the end of my 30's and really the end of my 20's.  Yes, my knees are achier and my hair is thinner and goggle marks post-swim practice remain around my eyes for much longer than they used to . . . but I don't feel old.  Or at least I don't feel "almost fifty" old.

Yet, I might be lying to myself just a little.  There are constant reminders that I'm not 29 anymore.  There's the student who keeps calling me "Mrs. Staben,"  the much loved movie, book, or TV show that I realize first came out . . . 25 YEARS AGO, or the concert venue (last week . . . The Empty Bottle) where you look around and go, "Geez, I feel ancient."  I wonder if that group over by the bar is looking at me and going, "What's my mom doing here?" or even worse, they don't even see me at all. :)

This might seem cliche but I think that at a certain point, age is as much a state of mind as anything else.  I was a fairly restrained 20-something and I'm not all that different now.  I loved going to live music when I was 25 and I still do now (and if anything, I go to more shows).  I still sing loudly in the car (and swear at bad drivers) and I still secretly harbor a dream to play guitar and sing angry songs like P.J. Harvey and Ani DiFranco.  I still love Billy Bragg but now I love Frank Turner too.

I guess here is where I'm at right now with age.  I can't fight getting older so I might as well enjoy the benefits of more years on this planet, try to mitigate the physical effects by eating well and being active, active, active AND living this year (and the ones to follow) well--doing a job I love, hanging with people I love, and doing things I love.